Infantilizing Women and Demonizing Men: A New Spiritual Epidemic

One of my favorite moments during the day is laying down with a cup of tea and going through the extremely funny, sarcastic, and inspiring memes my friends share with me on Instagram. The love language of our times. I always look forward to the ones a dear friend sends about love and divine connection—because I am extremely romantic.

One day, I opened our chat and saw a reel of a hipster-ish man in the woods, wearing a knitted beanie and talking to his camera about how a “God-led man” should behave when ‘his’ woman is angry, rageful, or even criticizing him.

 The advice? Ground yourself. Receive her emotions, even if it’s uncomfortable. Keep your heart open. Be the leader. Take care of her and her emotions—EVEN if she is dysregulated.

The number of women celebrating this reel in the comments was quite impressive. For me, the reel felt like a punch in the stomach. I couldn’t shake it for the rest of the day. I was disgusted.

Hours later after intense rumination, I decided to comment:

 “If “your” woman is an adult, she is responsible for her emotions and her regulation. She should not place this responsibility on any man. 

Have you ever recommended a woman to “hold space” for the anger or rage of a man?”

The number of men liking my comment, cheering me on, and even inviting me for a drink? Honestly, it felt good. So did the support of the few women who had my back in the middle of this battle. And just as it felt good to be celebrated and supported, it also strangely felt good to be crucified by many women for treason. There was something liberating about standing my ground and letting it all burn.

I stayed. I replied. I sipped my tea. Until the hipster blocked me and my comments. It was kind of fun.

But seeing a man deliver this script? Preaching to the social media sisterhood about how to hold space for their chaos — just to be glorified by a tribe of rageful, dysregulated women? Seriously?  infantilize women and demonize men? That was the moment I lost it.

**And before I continue with this blog, I want to make something very clear: I’m not pro-men (even though I strongly advocate for them), and I’m not pro-women. I’m pro relating — as responsible adults, with awareness, honesty, and self-responsibility. For me that’s where the real magic lives.

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I was really excited about doing an exploration on boundaries with my men’s group. I had prepared a powerful embodiment practice where they would pair up, push each other, say no, ground into their genitals, reset, drop into their solar plexus, use their voices, push back — with several variations of the same theme.

And then… he froze. Turned around. Left the shala.

I stepped out to check on him. He caught his breath and later, in the closing circle, he shared that he had recently tried to set boundaries with his partner, and every time he did, she not only screamed — she destroyed his belongings.

He was angry. He was scared. And he had no idea what to do to make it stop without engaging with her physically and risking being charged with abuse.

We all thanked him for sharing. A deep silence crept in. After the class, every man in the group offered him a place to stay and their support. It was beautiful to witness.

Should he “let God lead him” and hold space for his “sacred dysregulated feminine” partner while she trashed everything he had worked so hard for with her divine rage?

I don’t fucking think so.

This is real life. Not a curated Instagram reel made to entertain or validate a lopsided fantasy.

As much as we might want to romanticize it — we cannot keep reinforcing a narrative that gives any gender a free pass from self-accountability.

It. Will. Not. End. Well.

And before you start jumping to conclusions — I know him personally. He is a kind, conscious, hardworking, and deeply loving man. She broke up with him because — among other things — he didn’t “hold space” for her emotions.

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This isn’t just his story. This is a mirror of a deeper collective wound.

Provide for me, take care of my kids, protect me, support me, understand me, hold space for me, save me, love me, desire me, fuck me well, regulate me… When does it stop?

What will it take for us to finally question this patriarchal, capitalist relationship framework that taught women men should carry it all? Where did we learn this? Who sold us this story?

Can’t we see it? Relying on another adult to meet your physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual needs — without taking responsibility for them yourself — can only lead to some form of codependency.

What if we remembered this instead: Each person is responsible for their own peace, stability, and well-being. It’s no one’s job to fix, complete, rescue, or ground us.

 We can choose to share space and support — not from duty or guilt, but from love and desire.

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Before we talk about intimacy, support, connection, and partnership, we need to talk about sovereignty — of self. 

In Tantra, whatever we want in partnership, it is our responsibility to create it for ourselves first. Not only that — we have to create so much of it that it overflows, and we share the excess with our partners.

Want love and devotion? Start with yourself. 

Financial stability? Start with your own. 

Self-regulation? Same. 

And over and over again.

Even if it’s not comfortable — because yes, it does require work — no matter how sacred, sexy, or spiritual a relationship feels… your nervous system, your body, your healing, your joy, your pleasure, your finances and your stability — are ultimately yours to take care of.

We can choose to share love, energy, resources, or time — but not because we’re empty or dependent.

Autonomy and self-sufficiency are a solid foundation for any real adult relationship we want to create. We often fear that if we’re truly self-sufficient, we won’t be able to relate…

because what if my partner doesn’t need me anymore?

But — wouldn’t it be even more valuable if they stayed, not because they needed you, but because they really loved you?

What would your relationships look like if you no longer needed to be needed — only truly seen, chosen, and loved for who you are?