The Forgotten Gender: Men matter too.

I get this question very often: "Why did you choose to write about men's issues?" My response is simple: Because they matter, and it seems like nobody cares.

When I express this feeling, I'm often met with confused faces. Many people haven't considered the importance of addressing men's issues. While I don't intend to minimize the significance of women's issues, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the way female issues have taken center stage in our culture. If you're a woman feeling defensive about my perspective, please read this blog with an open mind. And if you're a man, I know you sadly understand exactly what I'm talking about.

A few days ago, while scrolling through my social media feed, I came across several purple posts, a sadly common occurrence in my country. These usually signal that a woman is missing, or worse, that she has been killed. While I sympathize deeply with these situations, I find myself triggered by such posts, so I often send a prayer and scroll on. However, this post in particular caught my attention. Perhaps it was because there were two women in the picture.

A quick search using the hashtag led me to a tragic story. The two women in the photo were a married couple who had been involved in an accident with the Metrobus in Mexico City. One of them passed away at the scene, while the other was in intensive care at the hospital. As I clicked through the links, I read headlines like "Women murdered by Metrobus" and "They deserve justice." I discovered their names, their ages, that one was a nurse and the other a doctor. I learned where they had studied, how they had met and gotten married. I read about their devastated friends and family. There was already a hashtag and a Facebook page asking for financial support and pressuring the authorities for justice. Every major news channel had covered the accident, and it was trending on social media.  While I found the news headlines a bit biased, I completely sympathized with the support and the pleas for justice.

But out of curiosity, I decided to search for "man run over by Metrobus." I found a couple of accidents from previous years. Most of the headlines read something like "Metrobus rams over man" or "Man killed in accident." There were very few channels covering these accidents, and most didn't even include the name of the man, let alone his age or social status. There was no love story, or profession. No one was asking for support or justice, there were no messages for their friends and family and no hashtags were created. It seemed the message was, "Why make a fuss? He's just a man." 

This isn't new to me; in fact, it's one of the primary reasons I chose to work with men. It's not just in the news; it's also evident in our systems. No one has been able to explain to me why we have hospitals specialized in women's health but not a single one dedicated to men's health. Why do we see numerous campaigns focused on breast cancer while prostate cancer remains largely ignored? And why is there such a massive emphasis on International Women's Day while International Men's Day is often overlooked? I was particularly infuriated one day when the government launched a support program exclusively for women, seniors, Lgbtq+ and children. Sometimes, I joke with friends and even with clients that it seems being a man is the worst thing you can be in this day and age. But it's not a joke.

Collectively, we have focused on the privileges associated with masculinity, but how often do we talk about the hidden costs of this privilege?

Consider these facts:

• Worldwide, 79% of homicide victims are men.

• In the Western world, males die by suicide three to four times more often than females.

• School dropout rates are 20% higher among men than women.

• Men are more likely than women to use almost all types of illicit drugs.

• Men join gangs at a higher rate than women.

• Even if they are the ones perpetrating violence, men are also victims of violent environments.

What does it say about our society when men's issues are dismissed or ignored?

I am aware that women are often the target of most marketing campaigns; we tend to consume and click more and likely make up a larger portion of the voting population.

So, I understand why news channels would be inclined to emphasize news related to female tragedies.

But these questions keep running through my mind: What biases might be at play in the media's decision to prioritize certain tragedies over others based on the gender of the victim? What message do we send to young boys when their issues are not given the same attention as girls' issues? Is the feminine collective truly benefiting from this attention?

I also know that collectively, we are making men pay for a lot of the debt created by the patriarchy, and frankly, I don't believe it's fair. The patriarchy has undoubtedly left a legacy of harm and inequality. However, blaming individual men for the systemic issues perpetuated by the patriarchy is both unjust and unproductive. It's time to recognize that men, too, are victims of the patriarchal system. If the objective of discussion we are having around patriarchy is about equality:

Can we truly achieve gender equality if we don't address the issues faced by men and boys?

One of the saddest aspects of this situation is that, frequently, when I bring this topic up in conversation with men, they feel shocked, but more often, they feel it's not okay for them to talk about it. They fear being labeled as insensitive, unaware, unconscious men who serve the patriarchal forces. As a result, they remain silent because it's not socially or politically acceptable for men to talk about the lack of visibility around their issues, or how they feel completely excluded from most gender equality conversations. This exclusion and the taboo surrounding discussing their problems only deepen the divide and exacerbate the problems they face.

It's time to reflect on how this neglect and silence are affecting the male population. What are the long-term effects of not addressing male issues? 

These unfortunate events provide us with an opportunity to start a conversation and question the unequal treatment of gender-related issues in our society. I don't have all the answers, I wish I did. Today, more than providing answers or a Tantric perspective, my intention is to share some questions that this experience has brought up for me and data that might change a little bit our perspective on this topic.

If you'd like to help us raise awareness about this topic, here are some things you can do with your friends and family:

• Start the Conversation: Initiate discussions about men's issues with your friends and family.

• Raise Awareness: Share articles and statistics on social media to spread awareness about the challenges men face.

• Support Men's Groups: Join or support organizations and groups focused on men's mental health and well-being.

• Educate Yourself: Read books and articles about men's issues to better understand the challenges they face.

• Lead by Example: Be open about your own struggles and encourage others to do the same. Normalize discussions around men's issues.

Note: I sympathize with the issues women face, as I am a woman myself. However, this blog is dedicated to highlighting men's issues. I won't engage in debates or reply to any comment about which gender faces more challenges. My goal is to create space for discussions that recognize the importance of addressing both women's and men's issues.