Your sexual fantasies have the power to transform your relationship.

I find it very interesting how the addition of the word "sexual" can instantly turn any topic into something scandalous. Even in the most “liberated” societies, sexuality is still a taboo. You can openly ask in any gathering which is your preference around airlines but asking: Which is your sexual preference? becomes a delicate matter. Asking: Which is your greatest desire in life? is acceptable, but your greatest sexual desire? This could create a lot of discomfort. The same happens with sexual fantasies and desires which are full of fear, guilt and shame, creating a lot of resentment between partners and dissatisfaction.

To unlock your full potential, it is very helpful to explore the aspects of your sexuality that you've ignored or suppressed, this is why fantasies are actually extremely valuable. Though it might be challenging to explore your fantasies, it is one of the fastest ways to rediscover joy, pleasure, and excitement. Your unconscious mind heavily influences your life, and your fantasies are a part of it. Tantra invites us to embrace the unconscious world, this will help you transform your fantasies into valuable allies for your sexual growth.

So, how can you work with your fantasies? Start by letting go of fear and judgment.

Understand that fantasies are natural and normal and healthy, like daydreaming about a vacation or venting about work. They don't make you good or bad. This clarity can help you continue with the exploration.

Once you accept your fantasies without judgment, try to explore their origins. For example, if you fantasize about an orgy, ask yourself: What do I really want to experience? Your answer might be a desire for more excitement or a need for connection because you've felt lonely. Continue asking the same question over and over again. In this example, if there is a need for excitement, what do I really want to experience? Maybe it's being seen, meeting new people.

Be honest in your exploration, you don't have to share this with anyone.

As you uncover the emotions and needs behind your fantasies, you can take responsible and courageous steps to honor them. Don't ignore or suppress them anymore, as this can empower you and lead to a more fulfilling life and will also bring more satisfaction to your sex life.

A couple of weeks ago I was working with a thirty-year-old man who feared losing his partner. They used to have threesomes, but his partner was developing some insecurities around this. What he discovered was that during the threesomes, his partner made him feel more desired since she had to compete with another woman for him. They created alternatives that made him feel desired and agreed on having threesomes 50% of the time. What could have been a breakup due to “not being a fit” became a new path of exploration and honesty for both of them.

Once you gain clarity around your needs, you can share them with your partner, creating a vulnerable and constructive conversation instead of an endless disagreement about mismatched desires. In the case of the orgy fantasy, expressing, "I want to go to an orgy," differs greatly from sharing, "I feel like there's a need for more sexual connection, and I would like to explore new ways to fulfill it." By engaging in this kind of communication within couples, you open channels of understanding, deepen intimacy, and learn how to create safe spaces where you can open up without fear of judgment.

This positive shift not only improves your sexual relationship but also transforms the dynamics of your entire relationship.

The ability to openly communicate your desires and needs builds mutual understanding and respect between partners. It helps break down walls of resistance and encourages both individuals to explore each other's perspectives with empathy. When you create an environment where each partner can express themselves freely without fear of criticism, it strengthens the emotional bond and creates a deeper level of intimacy.

The practice of sharing and exploring desires together encourages a sense of adventure and trust in the relationship. It allows for mutual exploration and growth, as long as your fantasies are explored between adults with mutual consent, everything is valid.

Couples who engage in this kind of exploration often find increased satisfaction and happiness, as they can truly connect on a deeper level.

Embracing your fantasies is about understanding yourself better and growing as a person. Tantra's wisdom encourages you to explore your true desires, leading to more satisfaction and emotional well-being. It's a journey of self-discovery, where vulnerability can set you free and create deeper connections with yourself and others.

Enjoy your journey.